Thursday, December 3, 2009

Let me start from...... the beginning

So I am Staci... more popularly known as "MOM" to not only my 3 biological children but for quite a few others that have come into my life over the last 20 years :) .. I am Stace to my best friends... and have also had other ummm shall we say not so friendly names from others lol... and I have also received the name Staci Girl from this amazing guy who officially came into my life in February of this year :) .. yes my Duane :)

I recently finalized my divorce to a man who at one point was my everything.. sadly things changed and I learned that I too had changed. Things weren't suppose to be this way.. things I won't bore you with. I wasn't the same person I had been. I had become quite depressed and had sadly pulled away from everything and everyone. The worst part was realizing that in the process I had pulled away from "myself". I lost all self confidence and self worth, and had convinced myself that life didnt matter anymore and hid away. If it wasn't for the most amazing children in the world, supportive family and the most amazing friends a girl could ever possibly have I'm not sure if I would have made it out of all of it. They were the ones who said, "Knock it off... Get out there and be happy and get your life back in order .. "

And then... this amazing man came along. I remember finding the courage to say hi to him and tell him that I thought he had a great smile. From there.... as they say ... it all began :) ... Seems he saw something in me that I had thought was gone. He made me smile and I found myself looking forward to hearing from him everyday (poor guy =]) .. I learned so much about him and he became such an inspiration for me. He "made" me talk and he listened and "helped" me with so much. I found myself coming out of my shell ... quite gun shy but hopeful. One day he said, "How about coming to Colorado for a visit?" ... and all I could think was OHHHH MYYY GODD lol :) ... 1st I was completely scared to death of flying... 2nd wasn't that a crazy thing to do?? I mean to fly across the country to meet someone I hadn't met in person =] .. and 3rd to do so would mean I'd be putting myself out there for more rejection. For those of you not familiar with that "OMG you are fat" rejection... yeah it truly sucks.. and sadly there are people out there who judge you for that reason alone and dont take the chance to get to know you. Maybe it was my ex husbands line he gave to me at the end that would always haunt me.. the one where he said, "you know if you could have just lost the weight this never would have happend" ... yeah that was a pretty big guilt trip.. I have since realized that unless you can solve the issues causing the weight you can never truely "fix it".. (wouldn't my therapist be happy lol ... see I do pay attention!!) .

So... this Crazy Colorado man got me to say yes!!! I put on my "big girl panties" used all the faith in myself I had left and took the trip I sooooo needed. I grew up on that trip. Took all my fear and said ... "I've got this!!", I cried (lol) and was ready to quit and turn around but had finally come to that point in my life where I was "done" giving up on myself. (like a dork I sit here typing this and cry as I realize I will never forget the moment I saw him smile). I got to the airport and it took me almost a half an hour to go up the escalator hahaha where he was patiently waiting. I took a deep breath and headed up... walked out into all those people and saw him prior to him seeing me... and then... the most amazing thing happend... he saw me and smiled... it was the kind of smile that said so much... more than he probably realizes... you see... he chased all the bad away with that one smile... not to mention the hugs and kisses that followed just made it even better. Life would never be the same again ... and I'm so glad :)

Yep... that was when it "began" ... and every day since then has been unbelieveable.. He has faith in me, he has helped me realize that I can do it! .. and that this is just the beginning of the rest of my life.. A life that has me getting healthy and fit and................. happy... and loved. The way it is suppose to be. Oh it is going to be a long road but I am sooo enjoying it already.. Heck this crazy man has plans for me that I can't even fathom :) .. but somehow he has convinced this girl that the sky is the limit. He has introduced me to a new lifestyle (wait that didnt sound right did it?? hmmm lol) .. [this crazy girl (me) has a trainer she works with twice a week!! The woman is determined to kill me :)] .... and he has also introduced me to some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. He took me with him to Arizona to witness something I had never seen before. And yep... I still think those people that do those Ironman competitions are crazy :) lol... but WOW I like crazy :) ... To all of those amazing people I got to meet I say thank you.. thank you for including me in your lives.. You rock!! You have given me even more incentive to be all I can be.

So thank you Duane Kent Newton... I love you.. you are and always will be my Superman!, my hero, my inspiration, my friend, my rock.... my love...

Ok Ok Ok... Wow did I ramble or what?? I guess I just needed to "start this" somewhere... I guess I did that. Next... the new chapters begin :)